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I have this friend I don't like named Curt. Curt loves three things: the White Sox, the Republican Party, and investment banking. As a gentleman and a patriot, it is my sacred duty to hold these three institutions in the deepest contempt. And yet, somehow, our friendship sputters along. Every month or so, Curt will call me, and I'll feel guilty about ignoring his seven previous calls, and so I'll have a drink with him. And then he'll inevitably embarrass me with his loud, boorish misogyny and overwrought gesticulation.

Everyone has friends they don't like--several of my friends, for instance, have me. The unliked friend is an annoying phenomenon, to be sure, but sometimes I'm grateful for Curt. He makes me see things from a different perspective-a Republican, Sox fan, I-Banker perspective--and understanding one's enemies, after all, is the key to informed, well-reasoned hatred.

So you can imagine my surprise when Curt recently told me, "I think Mayor Daley's new surveillance camera idea is awesome," because it just so happens that I agree with him. And for a moment after he lauded Daley's surveillance network, I almost liked Curt. Then he said, "Dude, pull my finger."

I know that a lot of people are up in arms over the supposed invasion of our privacy-even though most of the cameras are already installed. But I believe that these naysayers are failing to see the big picture. I care about civil liberties and everything, but if there's one thing we Americans value more than our constitutional freedoms, it is reality television.

And times are tough in reality TV land. The other day, I found myself watching Eric Estrada and Vince Neal play topless volleyball with a gang of nudists on The Surreal Life. When washed-up porn actor Ron Jeremy threatened to go bottomless, I took the unusually harsh step of turning off the television entirely.

I long for the golden age of reality television, when The Real World had Puck and Pedro instead of seven vacant-headed drunks, when animals attacked and the world's most shocking moments were caught on tape. But America has grown complacent. And as our stock of Funny Videos grows dangerously low, I fear that we will lose our Funny Video Independence. I worry we will soon be forced to rely on importing Funny Videos from the Middle East, and we all know how that story ends: War.

Mayor Daley, ever the visionary, has foreseen this terrifying possibility, and he has assured the city of Chicago that our every moment of humor and tragedy will be caught on tape. Our children and their children will be able to enjoy Curt's most thrilling incidences of public urination and vomiting, and I for one am willing to sacrifice a bit of civil liberty here and there for the well-being of future generations.