Da Bankones
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Like a lot of people, I'm disappointed by the new sponsorship deal between Bank One and the Bears. Sure, the two organizations have a lot in common - neither will give me a refund when they screw up, for instance - but having the Bears be presented by Bank One poses obvious problems for fans. To begin with, it complicates cheers-I find it hard to believe that drunken Bears fans can chant 'Let's go Bears Presented by Bank One Let's go!" in unison. Also, it takes away from the purity of the game when Brian Urlacher is contractually obligated to say, "That's what you get for not opening a free checking account!" to each quarterback he sacks.
But my real problem with the sponsorship package is that the Bears got gypped-as usual. By merely selling the right to be presented by Bank One, the Bears missed out on the next big trend in sports marketing - the mascot sale. The advantages to becoming the Chicago BankOnes are numerous. For one thing, there's more money in it. Last I checked, America's black bears weren't paying us one red cent, even though we splash their likeness all over our football paraphernalia.
And embracing the BankOnes might also increase our chances of bringing a Super Bowl trophy back to Chicago. In the seventeen years since the team formerly known as the Bears won the Super Bowl, only four Super Bowl winners have been won by animal mascots. Is that a coincidence? Well, probably, but if we're going to commit to winning in Chicago, we need to account for every possibility. I, for one, am tired of sharing the animal kingdom with the lowly Lions, the bad news Bengals, and the overrated Rams. At the very least, Chicago football fans deserve a team named after a cell phone accessory, like they have in San Diego.
But if anything's more terrifying than chargers or packers, it's cold, corporate behemoths. Sure, bears will eat you. Buccaneers will rob you. But Bank One will rob you and then eat you.
So which mascot truly reflects the history and tradition of Chicago's professional football team? A fierce but cuddly bear? No, the Bears ought to be represented by a greedy corporation concerned only with lining its executives' pockets. So here's to da BankOnes! I can't think of a better mascot for an organization that would spend 432 million dollars of public money to put a flying saucer on top of a perfectly nice stadium.
But my real problem with the sponsorship package is that the Bears got gypped-as usual. By merely selling the right to be presented by Bank One, the Bears missed out on the next big trend in sports marketing - the mascot sale. The advantages to becoming the Chicago BankOnes are numerous. For one thing, there's more money in it. Last I checked, America's black bears weren't paying us one red cent, even though we splash their likeness all over our football paraphernalia.
And embracing the BankOnes might also increase our chances of bringing a Super Bowl trophy back to Chicago. In the seventeen years since the team formerly known as the Bears won the Super Bowl, only four Super Bowl winners have been won by animal mascots. Is that a coincidence? Well, probably, but if we're going to commit to winning in Chicago, we need to account for every possibility. I, for one, am tired of sharing the animal kingdom with the lowly Lions, the bad news Bengals, and the overrated Rams. At the very least, Chicago football fans deserve a team named after a cell phone accessory, like they have in San Diego.
But if anything's more terrifying than chargers or packers, it's cold, corporate behemoths. Sure, bears will eat you. Buccaneers will rob you. But Bank One will rob you and then eat you.
So which mascot truly reflects the history and tradition of Chicago's professional football team? A fierce but cuddly bear? No, the Bears ought to be represented by a greedy corporation concerned only with lining its executives' pockets. So here's to da BankOnes! I can't think of a better mascot for an organization that would spend 432 million dollars of public money to put a flying saucer on top of a perfectly nice stadium.
