Pink, as Heard on WBEZ
Monday, April 26, 2004
When I first heard that students had been banned from wearing the color pink at Clifford Pierce Middle School in Merrillville, Indiana, I found myself wondering: Who the hell is Clifford Pierce, and why did he get a school named after him when Merrillville, Indiana could have very easily named their school after a noted radio personality like me John Green?
In time, my hurt and anger will dissipate, and I will forgive Merrillville, Indiana for refusing to recognize my enduring contributions to their community. But I'm not sure I'll ever get over the cruelty Merrillville has shown toward pink, which is both one of my favorite colors and one of my favorite pop stars.
The principal of Clifford Pierce claims that the color pink may be associated with street gangs, and that therefore students should not wear it to school. This struck me as pretty ridiculous, needless to say. What does the pink gang do exactly, I wondered. Do they spray pant walls with pictures of bunnies and tulips? Do they get together and drink mimosas while watching reruns of Sex in the City?
But then I learned that Chicago has an actual gang, the Imperial Gangsters, whose gang colors are pink and black. Okay, that's it. Mayor Daley needs to do something, like set up a special task force or make vague promises while rolling his eyes at the press, because when young people in Chicago looking to start a new gang must pick pink to set themselves apart from their rivals, we have a crisis.
And so I commend the principal of Clifford Pierce Middle School for banning pink. Chicago is only forty miles away, and the pink arm of the Imperial Gangsters has a long reach. But pink is only the beginning. Red and blue have to go, of course, because of the Bloods and the Crips. Gold, due to the Latin Kings; Purple thanks to the innocuously named Harrison Gents; and also yellow, green, orange, tan, black, and brown.
Clearly, middle school students must not be allowed to wear clothing of color. But they also better not wear white, lest they reflect their possible association with the West Side Homeboys. This leaves us, the sensible adults who believe in discouraging gang violence at all costs, with a difficult but ultimately wise decision: we must ban children from wearing clothing.
But no. No. That's a poor solution, because the children will be much too cold in the winter. The problem here is that kids wear noted gang colors such as pink to school. The solution, obviously, is not to ban pink or to ban clothing. The solution is to ban school.
I have advocated the banning of school ever since I was in third grade, when it came to my attention that I was a huge dork and, as such, was subject to a daily ritualized beating from Charlie "The World's Strongest Eight-Year-Old" Franks. Were it not for school, children would never learn intolerance-or, for that matter, anything else. It is high time to chain the doors of Merrillville, Indiana's Clifford Pierce Middle School and the other institutions that harbor and facillitate gang activity! And I will not waver in my commitment to ending gangs by ending education, at least not until someone has the good sense to name a school after me.
In time, my hurt and anger will dissipate, and I will forgive Merrillville, Indiana for refusing to recognize my enduring contributions to their community. But I'm not sure I'll ever get over the cruelty Merrillville has shown toward pink, which is both one of my favorite colors and one of my favorite pop stars.
The principal of Clifford Pierce claims that the color pink may be associated with street gangs, and that therefore students should not wear it to school. This struck me as pretty ridiculous, needless to say. What does the pink gang do exactly, I wondered. Do they spray pant walls with pictures of bunnies and tulips? Do they get together and drink mimosas while watching reruns of Sex in the City?
But then I learned that Chicago has an actual gang, the Imperial Gangsters, whose gang colors are pink and black. Okay, that's it. Mayor Daley needs to do something, like set up a special task force or make vague promises while rolling his eyes at the press, because when young people in Chicago looking to start a new gang must pick pink to set themselves apart from their rivals, we have a crisis.
And so I commend the principal of Clifford Pierce Middle School for banning pink. Chicago is only forty miles away, and the pink arm of the Imperial Gangsters has a long reach. But pink is only the beginning. Red and blue have to go, of course, because of the Bloods and the Crips. Gold, due to the Latin Kings; Purple thanks to the innocuously named Harrison Gents; and also yellow, green, orange, tan, black, and brown.
Clearly, middle school students must not be allowed to wear clothing of color. But they also better not wear white, lest they reflect their possible association with the West Side Homeboys. This leaves us, the sensible adults who believe in discouraging gang violence at all costs, with a difficult but ultimately wise decision: we must ban children from wearing clothing.
But no. No. That's a poor solution, because the children will be much too cold in the winter. The problem here is that kids wear noted gang colors such as pink to school. The solution, obviously, is not to ban pink or to ban clothing. The solution is to ban school.
I have advocated the banning of school ever since I was in third grade, when it came to my attention that I was a huge dork and, as such, was subject to a daily ritualized beating from Charlie "The World's Strongest Eight-Year-Old" Franks. Were it not for school, children would never learn intolerance-or, for that matter, anything else. It is high time to chain the doors of Merrillville, Indiana's Clifford Pierce Middle School and the other institutions that harbor and facillitate gang activity! And I will not waver in my commitment to ending gangs by ending education, at least not until someone has the good sense to name a school after me.
